My Wife Seizes the Day

Posted: September 6, 2009 in Personal Growth

When my wife wakes up she is always groggy and usually grouchy. I can forestall the latter by engaging her in a happy conversation about something she might find pleasant. This takes an element of creativity on my part; but it can be done if I can think of something. Also, if I don’t react angrily to her angry questions and comments the antagonism will pass.

When I am in a philosophical mood I can conjecture as to why she is this way. It is part of the general discussion about what makes people angry or happy. It is almost never about the events or people who are in the picture at the time. “It isn’t about me” is a wonderful buzz-phrase that keeps you from taking umbrage by associates’ angry comments at you.

So, why is she groggy (probably she hasn’t gotten good or enough sleep) and angry? Inasmuch as what often comes out of her mouth first thing is something about what I should be doing. If I am really relaxed I can field these questions with a calm and controlled response. With patience and perseverance I can eventually overcome her anger. If I am not really relaxed I usually don’t reply in a calm and controlled way. I still haven’t offered an answer as to why she is angry. Because her anger is often (usually) about what I should be doing I can guess that she is trying to take control of events and people around her. Beings I am the only person in her first moments in the real world I believe she tries to take control of me. Taking control of events requires her to be alone.

Taking control is another subject I am familiar with. It seems everybody needs to take control of something. The most immediate thing people seem to need control over is their lives. What their lives consist of is a unique aspect of their personalities. Whatever random aspect of one’s life one chooses to take control of can be controllable or not. If not our subject must be ok with not controlling it and seek some other part of their life to control. I repeat everybody needs to control something. It can be the cards in a game of Solitaire. The results of playing Solitaire can only be frustrating if the player demands to win. If not, it is a game of effort without having to win every time; or even often.

Some people who use physical cards (as opposed to a computer’s rendition of Solitaire) see the need to cheat. That gets us into another way of taking control of something. Cheating at Solitaire certainly eliminates the need for patience.

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