Sometimes Anger Yields Truths

Posted: April 15, 2010 in Personal Growth

Yesterday I found myself reevaluating what was going on around me as I dealt with stresses in my life. A day later I am amazed at how my anger lifted a curtain that obscured my insight about people around me.

A certain young man who I had come to like recently committed his finances to a very long time mortgage of a home. He must love my daughter a lot because he says he has been in the Navy for ten years and is a Petty Officer First Class (E-6). I don’t think he made this up because as a Missile Tech (which I was in the Navy) this doesn’t exactly show his up-and-coming status – and by his demeanor when he told me this I can surmise he isn’t particularly proud of it either.

However, my daughter tells me that he told her that he has been frugal over the years and has saved a lot of money. According to her he has already spent most of it on correcting defects in the home he is purchasing, however. I have found him to be of a firm and resolute personality; exhibiting patience and composure as he deals with my daughter’s son with autism. He also shows a lot of leadership skills when the time came to show his dominance in his and my daughter’s relationship. But he is also accommodating to her wishes when they are in opposition to his. These are all very excellent traits in anybody.

I also found that my daughter is a different woman since she began her relationship with the young man. She is no longer insisting on being right; and she lets him take the lead in matters familia. I could go on and on with my expositive; but I feel compelled to get on with the specifics of my revelation yesterday.

A lot of observations led to my conclusions. One is how this young man seems to be prone to falling into the fog developed from playing video games. It’s a little like my experience with playing solitaire: it can be a great time-waster or a way of developing certain emotional skills like calmness and quick mental acuity. But the time-wasting aspect can inhibit progress in one’s personal life. I certainly have let some needed activities slide as has this young man.

What is most glaring is his delaying accomplishments regarding needed repairs around his new home. I believe he needs to wake up and get going or the repairs will never happen. So far all the improvements have been accomplished by my daughter; but she shows a lot of yielding to his laziness. I believe she needs to exhibit a level of leadership on her own. I have to insert here that she is a couple of years older than he; but I also believe she recognizes certain positive aspects of his personality that makes her subvert herself to his dominance. She needs to make better judgments as she discerns the difference between his positive and negative tendencies.

It has become evident to me that the reason it took so long for his loan to go through was the lending institution’s observation that his lack of progress in advancement in the Navy could jeopardize his career and he could find that the Navy would no longer approve his reenlistment if he doesn’t advance in the next few years. It has become “up or out” among the enlisted ranks. His losing his “employment” would wreak disaster for somebody who is making payments on a mortgage. Whether the job market rebounds in time for him to join the civilian job market is uncertain.

So how do I present this to him in a way that will be digestible for him? I will have to give this careful consideration. So far I am in good stead in his eyes. I don’t want to jeopardize that. But sometimes one has to risk the good will that is extant and be brutally frank.

To be continued.

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